just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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