What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
