billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
