as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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