clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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