He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
