Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
