Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
