Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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