I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Michael Bay diarrhea
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
