Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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