I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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