Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
