new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
