how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
