After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize