Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
