I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
this hospital has no fireball
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
