I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
