They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm passing your future prison.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
