i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
