I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
