It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
