So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
