Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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