You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
