I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
