no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
