that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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