I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
