I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
