break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
