if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
