I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
