my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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