drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
