grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
