So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
