i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
