and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
