I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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