whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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