"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
