Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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