do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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