Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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