I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
