She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
