She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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