it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
