Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
