drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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