my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
