She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
They should really pass out barf bags in church
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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