You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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