Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize