I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
