taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize