Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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