just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
