we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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