if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
