She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
