Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
babies were throwing up all over the place
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
