apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
