We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
